Tag Archives: Friendship

Twenty two

Well I’m now twenty two. There have been plenty of milestones and great memories. A few fashion disasters, and a mullet at some point in my childhood due to an accidental hair cut. Most of all in this post I wanted to share a few things I think are important.

1) Believe in yourself. You have to start by raising, and building yourself up when others don’t believe in you. The people who achieve amazing extraordinary things are the ones who were told they couldn’t do it. Be confident in everything you do. I believe you can fly, and yes you can touch the sky.

2) If you’re having a bad day, remember it will pass. Some days you may feel like there is no point getting out of bed. You feel like you’re not where you want to be in life. You’re happy for others who are doing well but wish you could reach that level. It all takes time and everyone works at their own pace. Don’t sweat too much. Try again tomorrow.

3) Find kindred spirits. We often connect to people at different levels. Finding people who are eager to talk about similar interests, and having intellectual conversations is probably the nicest feeling where you’re both on the same page.

4) Don’t be consumed by technology. There are plenty of people who can’t stay offline. We live in a digital age where people are addicted to technology. We can’t go anywhere without phones or taking a selfie on holiday. Sitting a few inches away from a performer and we still somehow have our phones out.

Some wander the streets and get injured playing games on their phones. Families sit in a living room all on their phone, iPad, or other device. It shows how sucked into technology we are. Bring it back to the old days. Write letters or send a card. Read the                       paper. Could you last without a cellphone in your hand?

5) Mental illness. A person may just be feeling down and we can never know the pain of what someone is going through. It could be anything from a break up. Feeling depressed, anxiety or any form of an inner battle. It doesn’t define them the label is what society has created. They’re afraid and they may not even want to tell anyone about it because of the stigma around mental illness. I know people who are affected in different ways but I will always be a friend if they need to talk. During research for study I found Sir John Kirwan to be a great advocate on the matter as someone who has gone depression himself. He says depression is not a weakness. You can check out more of his talk here. 

6) Don’t think just write. My friend gave me an inspiring book by Steven Pressfield about creativity.

One of the first things Pressfield talks about is resistance. He basically sums up my problem when it comes to writing; procrastination;

“We don’t just put off our lives today, we put them off until our deathbed. Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second we can turn the tables on resistance” – The War of Art; Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles. 

7) A higher power. Some meditate and find peach within. Whereas others still search for that extra thing that seems to be missing from their life. Whether it is faith or religion everyone has a different opinion. People seem to be on the same path of trying to discover the meaning of life. All of the various religions lead to the one conclusion of finding a higher power. Many people feel at ease knowing someone is guiding, and watching over them no matter what. What do you believe in?

8) Share the love. To many people bring each other down because of jealousy or hate. The pressure from the media is always telling us how to act, look, and feel. Share the positive attitude. Women, and men are constantly battling with self destructive thoughts and you might not even know it. The world is a dark place to live in right now. There is a lot of negativity in the news. Martin Luther King Jr and his wise words resonate today more than ever.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

9) Spend time alone. You don’t need to chase after people to prove you’re important. Focus on yourself. Practice what you enjoy to do. When I’m older I will probably want to have told my younger self don’t waste time to just try to put effort into pleasing other people, men, women, friends, relationships. It will be there for you to pursue when the time comes.

10) A balanced mind goes well with a balanced body. If you look after your mind then the results show on the outside. Good food with a few treats. Now it may take me a while to get rid of some dark eye circles due to years of studying, but hey the crinkles and wrinkles show character right? I enjoy a nice face mask at the end of each week from LUSH, and a chance to detox all the stress or jumbled thoughts. A cup tea with a good book is a nice little getaway.

11) Love. The word has been thrown around so much by people who don’t know how to express or show it in actions rather than just words. It can be used against someone, and an excuse for bad behaviour. I don’t think it’s fair to settle for less if someone gives it their all, and in return they get half attempts at romance and no effort. Today’s generation confuses short satisfaction with real relationships the notion has become so twisted that it’s all turned into fun and games. There are shortcuts and cheats to trying to win someone’s heart just for a “laugh.” I give a round of applause to the good gentleman, and kind women who respect and value the word love. So when can you know what on earth the mystery is? The four letter word that has had people puzzled for centuries it remains an unsolved riddle for many.

12) Laughter.  Sometimes a sense of humour is the best type of charm. Those quirky and fun people you meet who dazzle everyone with their wit and charm. If I’m remembered for one thing I hope people say I made them laugh. I once dreamed of been a comedian but performing in front of people is not a strength of mine. I do enjoy it when people make me laugh. You’re doing something right.

13) Forgiveness. Whoever did you wrong, stole your barbie, and called you names or bullied you in school. Whoever hurt you do your best to forgive. It doesn’t mean they need to know or that you need to get in touch. Some people do enjoy upsetting others, and if that’s how they treat people that’s their problem not yours. Let it go and feel at peace.

14) Speak up about causes. Save the animals. Stop the violence. There are plenty of things to fight for in today’s society. Since when did violence and hate become the norm? It’s the few people who speak up that make a difference. Peaceful protests, and positive leaders who inspire those for generations to come.

15) Friends and family. They are always there for you and see you grow, and become who you are today. Encouraging and also many laughs along the way it always a blessing to have supportive friends and family.

16) Never stop learning. Education doesn’t stop once you leave school or stop studying. Going out into the world with new experience is where the learning begins and it never stops. The thirst to know more about life is always there.

17) Have good role models. Looking up to people who are down to earth, and kind can influence a person a lot. They can be inspired by those around them, and influenced in a positive way that makes them strive to achieve great things. I’m inspired by women who continue to fight for their rights for equality and everyday people who try to make a change. We wouldn’t be where we are today without the sacrifice of those people.

18) We are all geniuses. Some of the people considered to be the smartest in the world were ridiculed, and laughed at. It’s the people who think outside of the box that make you really sit up and listen. Everyone is good at something, and has different talents. We all have something to offer.

19) What is an empath. A great quote from Sylvester McNutt says;

My superpower is the ability to feel. I am an empath. I relate to and feel other’s pain, joy, and happiness. It’s a gift and a curse.

Empaths often have great hearts, and people feel comfortable opening up to them. Showing emotion is seen as a sign of strength, and consideration of others. It seems that often these people put others happiness before their own so it is important to take care of yourself as well. If you’re interested to read more about empaths this article by Christel Broederlow is quite interesting. I can relate to some of these things, and I’m sure many others do as well.

20) Enjoy every birthday. As the years go by I still like waking up to balloons. Eating cake, and having a jolly good time whether I’m ten years old or fifty. Yay for Disney movies.

21) Embrace yourself. Imagine if we were all content with how we looked. The scars and the quirky things about ourselves. Would you hide that cute laugh that sounds a bit like a seal when you get excited or would you embrace it? Would you step outside without make up on? The truth is we’ll always feel a bit insecure. Learning to love yourself is like climbing the mountain of self acceptance you will fall a goat may get in your way, and one day you will reach the top. You are you, and I am me. How brilliant is that?

22)  Take a step back and see how far you’ve come. The ups and downs of life have made me hopefully a bit wiser. Knowing right from wrong. Things could have gone different and sometimes things happen that are out of my control. I am always taught a lesson by life whether I like it or not. I have achievements behind me which I am proud of. They’re milestones to look back on to say hey I actually did that! If something embarrassing happens I try to laugh it off. There are fails and triumphs. As a huge Lord of the Rings and Hobbit fan I shall say each day has an unexpected journey around the corner so let’s go on an adventure!

Happiness

Is it a just a word, a feeling, can you taste it or see it? I have always struggled with the word happiness. Some days it embraces me, and other days I wonder if it even exists. I guess I’ve never really sat down and asked myself if I’m happy. I had a think and came up with a few things that contributes to a better mood and overall positivity when I’m by myself, things are hard, or I feel like eating a tub of ice cream.

Have a balance

When I wrote down on paper what was important to me and then put a number next to it based on how much effort I gave it such as study, job, etc, it certainly wasn’t balanced. We give our time to further our careers, and our hearts to people to show them we appreciate them. Sometimes we get so caught up doing other things that there’s no curfew. No proper bed time or enough food. It’s important to get enough of both. Balancing work, or study, and a personal life can be done. There may not always be a perfect balance, but sometimes re evaluating or creating a schedule can take away some stress. I myself love some pen, paper, and making lists.

Have some “you” time

It feels great caring for others and been there for them but it’s also important to appreciate yourself as well. Whether you’re busy all the time, in a relationship, or just never have time to relax ask yourself when was the last time you did something nice for yourself? Can’t remember? Shopping sprees are fun yes. I’m thinking smaller here like little acts of kindness. Maybe a bath with some cucumbers on the eyes, and I know how fabulous I feel after a haircut. No harm in having a glass of red wine (or grapejuice) or getting a nice massage. Buy yourself some flowers next time you walk past some bright pretty ones, a gift to yourself because why not? Treat yourself once in a while. 

Don’t give up

So I’ve looked back on this year and the achievements I’ve made. I stepped out of my comfort zone and got to learn about my family history and myself whilst writing some essays for University. I know that a relationship can’t always be perfect, but it’s worth it if you care about each other no matter what. I learnt that you’re not always going to get along with everybody. There are things I’m proud of and maybe not so proud of. There were good times and bad times. No matter what happened I learnt that…

You can’t change the past, but you can change the future

Do more of what makes you happy

  • Singing is something I truly miss doing. Just in my own time. Something about it is so peaceful, the way you can change a cover to make it sound like your own or just sing a long to a favourite artist. Writing songs though is not my strong point.
  • Cooking. Before I went to University I used to cook more and experiment with recipies. Now I’m lazy and buy ready made pizza or just make simple dishes. Alas it is time to get creative in the kitchen again.
  • Bikes. One day I want a bike with a basket so I can take my picnic in it to the park. Perfect.
  • Reading. I haven’t gone to a library in months expect for study. So to be able to get books out to read for leisure was rather glorious. How could I forget how great books are? They’re inspiring. I can just shut out the world and get lost in a good novel. Beats technology any day.
  • Excersize: Dance around the room! It’ll make you feel better and awesome. Even just a walk around the block on a sunny day is said to improve a persons mood, so I shall be sure to get my dose of sunlight.

Walter Mitty

Don’t stay angry

To often I focus on the negative, over analyze, worry, and get over emotional. I read somewhere that you shouldn’t let the sun set on your anger which is very true. Probably why I can’t sleep very well because I worry about silly things. Is something bothering you that you need to let go of? LET IT GO. Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymooore.

Keep your friends close

Having close bonds with other people can be a key to happiness. Even just sending a text or catching up with an old friend is a great feeling. It’s like nothing has changed even if you’re apart for long periods of time. The friends I have known for years have been there for me in times of need, they give me advice, have got me through some rough times, and I’m there for them as well. If people want to be in your life they will be there. I can count my close buddies on my fingers because that’s how many I need. Cheers to friendships.

Give more

So I’ve only ever really donated my clothes. I suppose that makes me sound lazy when there are many people in need. There are foodbanks around, the SPCA, and charities. Maybe I can do my part and something more to help no matter how small or large the gesture is.

Be happy with yourself first

Happiness begins from within which is something Yoda would probably say. If the bright beams of positivity shine from you and you’re happy with yourself, then you can spread the good vibes to other people as well and everyone shall feel the love.

Listen to some good tunes

There are a lot of great happy songs to brighten the mood but the one I always come back to is this one by The Fray. The meaning behind it and it’s message is just perfect really. Give it a listen 🙂

Start the new year with a smile

It’s nice to have a fresh start and a new year. Everyday is a new start though really. I’ll be 21 next year and in my last year of University. I know life will throw things at me and that things won’t always be easy. I hope to find the strength to get through whatever happens and be grateful that I am waking up each day alive and well. What more could you ask for really?

Friends, Food, Future

There is a time in a persons life when they must let go of the Peter Pan dream and grow up. I have never quite grasped the concept of this. As I packed my bags for the big adventure awaiting me, reality hit me. I felt as if I was stomping on Lego that had been left on the ground, scattered in a distorted pattern, pain seeping through me with every step. How could all of my life belongings fit in a few mere boxes and suitcases? Each item of clothing and furniture I sold had a small memory on it etched into the fine lines of fabric. A small secret that would stay with it yet to be discovered. As I tore photos down from the wall I realized how much I was leaving behind. I did not want to utter the words goodbye.

Since moving to Wellington for University I have narrowed down the things I miss:

New Plymouth  – Where the mountain looks as if it has been dipped in a box of luxurious french vanilla ice cream with chocolate delicately sprinkled on top. Where sand on the beach is black turning into a furnace in the summer. A dance is done like somewhat tribal warriors to race to the water before ones feet become burnt from the malicious grains of hot sand. Having a mountain, and the sea in ones peripheral vision is like a double rainbow. Two seasons of difference in one. Winter and summer. No words can fully capture it. A photo would if I could be bothered to buy a camera.

Friends – Moving away has made me realize who genuinely wants to stay in touch. IF they don’t bother then that says it all really. We all have to meet halfway when it comes to communicating. There is technology, letters, owls to send letters or pigeons. Yet nothing quite compares to a good ol’ jolly catch up in person with people I spent years with.

Perfecto.

Food – It is 90 per cent the reason I look forward to going home. Mommas cooking. I can’t remember the last time I had one of her dashing roast Sunday meals.  I have consumed so much junk food since moving here, Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, and Asian food have morphed into my best friends. When it comes to flat grocery shopping each week I have a party each time. Grabbing tins of tuna like there’s no tomorrow, and peanuts covered in chocolate. Addictive little things. Can’t beat them Pak N Save sales.

“food is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it”

I say this to people who tell me they are on diets where they can only eat in between certain times, and certain foods. Any food can be bad for you if you eat to much of it. Go buy that pizza and STOP feeling guilty, shove your whole face in it to remind yourself what you’ve been missing out on whilst you were eating those lettuce leaves.

Money –  Have you ever had a certain goal to save but have failed miserably? Welcome to my world, the best of both worlds. Where you are poor in each one. Some teenagers these days are handed money to them from their parents on a golden platter, soz-agues about it.  There is nothing wrong with it, but I am glad I was brought up in a way where me, myself and I earn the money which I continue to waste.

Life is a never ending cycle of earning money and spending it. I have earned so much in my lifetime so where on earth does it all go? RENT, food and rent, tattoos. The only time I seem to have saved a good amount was for my tattoo. Perhaps I should try and pretend I’m about to get a huge tattoo, to inspire me to save for new years. I shall be losing my Rhythm and Vines virginity because I am going for the first time this year hence why I am attempting to save $1000 or more. Why not try and set yourself a challenge to? You may be surprised with how you go. One, two, three, leggo

Must. Stop. Sleeping. In.
I must not sleep in. I must not sleep in. I must not sleep in.

Things I treasure

Nanna naps – Don’t get offended if I don’t reply to you on Facebook, text, viber, snapchat, or on the next version of iPhone3604894, I’m most likely at work, doing study, or sleeping. That is all. I sleep in far to much, my loud alarm clock that sounds like a fire truck clearly isn’t doing me any favours. Purely because my lovely flatmate came into my room the other day, pulled the covers off my bed and yelled that he would be waking me up if I missed my screeching  alarm again. He then proceeded to drag me out of my warm bed despite my weak protests. Fabulous.

Beanies – My hair saviour. These glorious things are the perfect invention. With the wind here in Wellington there really is no point in doing my hair. I think beanies are stuck to my head. I wear it almost everyday. It has double benefits. Hides a bad hair day, and keeps my head warm. Win win.

Exercise – I used to go to the gym almost everyday back home, then I moved here and turned into a potato. Mashed potato, roast potato. Potato. I am terrible at this, my balance of time is not so marvelous. By the time I have finished work or a day of University I can hardly be bothered shedding off my day clothes, and slithering into bed. I have a new found passion for Pilates though. That is when I can muster the energy to do them. No pain no gain right?

Good beats – Everyone needs some of these to get them through the day. I always pop on some Beyonce in the morning to get me inspired to have a productive day. All the single ladies all the single ladies. Dancing around the room whilst getting ready is much more amusing than without music. Shimmy to the cupboard, shimmy while you do your hair, and flip your hair dramatically after a shower. Who needs a hairdryer anyway.

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Baking – Sometimes I go on a baking rampage, making muffins, flapjacks, apple crumble. Delicious and nutritious. Saves money and also equals a bit of creative time, throwing flour into the bowl leads to myself being covered in flour. I feel like Jamie Oliver, minus the olives. He is a master of a chef, a genius. I for one simply Google recipes when I get stuck in a pickle. I made a fabulous lasagna with my flatmate the other week, a very proud moment. There should be a worldwide lasagna day, I am sure Garfield would be proud.

Future

Most of my nights are now spent at Massey library until about 10 or 11pm doing study.  I love writing and wouldn’t have it any other way. I have good food, friends here and back home, and a future ahead of me. As long as I don’t overthink as much as I blink. I am excited for what is to come. Although it is costing a fortune, I have a few good ten million years, or a tad less, to pay of my student loan. So on with the adventure Peter Pan!

Friends Lovers or Nothing

This beautiful song by John Mayer breaks down the three stages of  life, friends, lovers or nothing. Here I shall explain a few more;

Watch this movie, it explains life perfectly.

Friendzone: There are songs dedicated to it. There are pages dedicated to it. Heck, there’s a word dedicated to it. We have all been there. We have all led or done the “leading” of someone on. It is a never ending cycle down the valley of feeling secretly sorry for yourself. Males seem to get especially distgruntled at this concept. Any girl that did not give them the second thought of day is considered to be a heartless creature with snakes sprouting from their head, also known as Medusa. But alas laddies consider this first.

“I don’t want to ruin the friendship”

He or she could be your best/good friend, the most hilarious person. So much so that you spit out your juice all over their face with pure joy and laughter. You may skip to the bakery together, snapchat eachother flirtatious photos with endless winky faces. Sip from the same straw because yes you are that adventurous. Sing along to “your” song together. But if there is no physical attraction there at the start, middle, or end of this friendship with this person whatsoever, and you shudder at the thought of lip locking with them. Well, you know what to do. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. Run for the hills like the Sound of Music.

Friends with benefits: “We’re just friends” You are far more than that if you become physically and emotionally involved with this person. If you use this as an excuse to not settle down, to get a few moments of  “fun” meaningless pleasure with no strings attatched, or because you feel you will get bored with this person. Think about it. You either want to be with someone or you do not.

Lovers: Some people are meant to fall in love/for eachother. But not meant to be together. No matter how good looking the person is or how many approvals they have from your friends, looks and charm only last so long. The excitment of meeting the person eventually fades. You wonder why you are dating when you don’t even know little things about eachother. Understandable if you don’t know their favourite colour. But if you start to forget their name completely, maybe it’s time to forget the relationship.

After the break up there is the “we can still be friends because I feel sorry for you speech” The awkwardness in the air can be sliced and spread onto toast. If you weren’t friends before whatsoever, there is no point digging around in the sand with a spade trying to hold onto something that was never there. Because you will most likely grab onto a jellyfish, And get stung. You meet someone, you date them, then you decide to be friends. Perhaps switch the order up next time and see what happens.

ImageEx: One definition of ex means without. You are without this person for a reason. At times after a fresh break up you are two candles (scented of course) roaming the earth, when you lock eyes, that flame ignites all over again. It is a habit that almost seems impossible to break because you know them, are comfortable with them, can even fart around them.  They are the wax from the candle you can’t seem to shake off. Shake it out shake it out. Oh woaaah. At the end their true colours will come out if you continue to let the flame burn. Spit on it, throw water on it. You can find a much nicer candle.

Second defintion: Carpet tiles offered at a sale price. You may be available but you should not let yourself be walked all over. If you were that important to them they would not have let you go in the first place. You broke up because something was broken that could not be fixed. If you keep going back to this person you will continue to feel cheap when you wake up, like those poor carpet tiles on sale. Liking pages on Facebook such as “his new girlfriend/boyfriend looks like a sloth” to drop hints at your ex will get you no where. It’s immature so stop. You know where the unfriend button is. You will never move on if your personal life is such a tangled web of drama and hate that not even a spider would go near. All you can do is remember the memories and move on, instead of hating this person. Because wouldn’t you rather this person be with someone else and happy, instead of with you and not happy?

Nothing: People are like onions, they have many layers. They make you cry, and at times you wonder why you decided to choose this onion in the first place. If you are sitting in bed and emotionally distressed after a bad break up or simply because you are single and long for someone to cuddle at night instead of your hot water bottle. Then let all the emotions out. Everyone breaks down once in awhile. Click on the quote below for a few chuckles.

“If I’m not with somebody who really excites or inspires me, then I’d rather be by myself” 

Like number 24 says, you don’t NEED anyone. There is no rush to settle down. You are discovering new things and new people everyday. You are single, memyself, and pie. You can look at a person and not feel guilty for “checking” them out. You have no obligation to invest your emotions into a relationship, spending everyday with that person then feeling clueless after it is over, wondering what do with yourself. As you grow older you will learn to choose happiness. Instead of spending your precious time with someone and not feeling happy.

We cross bridges all the time between the three categories, friends, lovers or nothing. If you are stuck in a pickle (hopefully not literally) simply listen and let John Mayer serenade you with his dashing voice:

Friends, lovers, or nothing 
There can only be one 
Friends, lovers, or nothing 
There'll never be the inbetween 
So give it up.