Tag Archives: confidence

Twenty two

Well I’m now twenty two. There have been plenty of milestones and great memories. A few fashion disasters, and a mullet at some point in my childhood due to an accidental hair cut. Most of all in this post I wanted to share a few things I think are important.

1) Believe in yourself. You have to start by raising, and building yourself up when others don’t believe in you. The people who achieve amazing extraordinary things are the ones who were told they couldn’t do it. Be confident in everything you do. I believe you can fly, and yes you can touch the sky.

2) If you’re having a bad day, remember it will pass. Some days you may feel like there is no point getting out of bed. You feel like you’re not where you want to be in life. You’re happy for others who are doing well but wish you could reach that level. It all takes time and everyone works at their own pace. Don’t sweat too much. Try again tomorrow.

3) Find kindred spirits. We often connect to people at different levels. Finding people who are eager to talk about similar interests, and having intellectual conversations is probably the nicest feeling where you’re both on the same page.

4) Don’t be consumed by technology. There are plenty of people who can’t stay offline. We live in a digital age where people are addicted to technology. We can’t go anywhere without phones or taking a selfie on holiday. Sitting a few inches away from a performer and we still somehow have our phones out.

Some wander the streets and get injured playing games on their phones. Families sit in a living room all on their phone, iPad, or other device. It shows how sucked into technology we are. Bring it back to the old days. Write letters or send a card. Read the                       paper. Could you last without a cellphone in your hand?

5) Mental illness. A person may just be feeling down and we can never know the pain of what someone is going through. It could be anything from a break up. Feeling depressed, anxiety or any form of an inner battle. It doesn’t define them the label is what society has created. They’re afraid and they may not even want to tell anyone about it because of the stigma around mental illness. I know people who are affected in different ways but I will always be a friend if they need to talk. During research for study I found Sir John Kirwan to be a great advocate on the matter as someone who has gone depression himself. He says depression is not a weakness. You can check out more of his talk here. 

6) Don’t think just write. My friend gave me an inspiring book by Steven Pressfield about creativity.

One of the first things Pressfield talks about is resistance. He basically sums up my problem when it comes to writing; procrastination;

“We don’t just put off our lives today, we put them off until our deathbed. Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second we can turn the tables on resistance” – The War of Art; Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles. 

7) A higher power. Some meditate and find peach within. Whereas others still search for that extra thing that seems to be missing from their life. Whether it is faith or religion everyone has a different opinion. People seem to be on the same path of trying to discover the meaning of life. All of the various religions lead to the one conclusion of finding a higher power. Many people feel at ease knowing someone is guiding, and watching over them no matter what. What do you believe in?

8) Share the love. To many people bring each other down because of jealousy or hate. The pressure from the media is always telling us how to act, look, and feel. Share the positive attitude. Women, and men are constantly battling with self destructive thoughts and you might not even know it. The world is a dark place to live in right now. There is a lot of negativity in the news. Martin Luther King Jr and his wise words resonate today more than ever.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

9) Spend time alone. You don’t need to chase after people to prove you’re important. Focus on yourself. Practice what you enjoy to do. When I’m older I will probably want to have told my younger self don’t waste time to just try to put effort into pleasing other people, men, women, friends, relationships. It will be there for you to pursue when the time comes.

10) A balanced mind goes well with a balanced body. If you look after your mind then the results show on the outside. Good food with a few treats. Now it may take me a while to get rid of some dark eye circles due to years of studying, but hey the crinkles and wrinkles show character right? I enjoy a nice face mask at the end of each week from LUSH, and a chance to detox all the stress or jumbled thoughts. A cup tea with a good book is a nice little getaway.

11) Love. The word has been thrown around so much by people who don’t know how to express or show it in actions rather than just words. It can be used against someone, and an excuse for bad behaviour. I don’t think it’s fair to settle for less if someone gives it their all, and in return they get half attempts at romance and no effort. Today’s generation confuses short satisfaction with real relationships the notion has become so twisted that it’s all turned into fun and games. There are shortcuts and cheats to trying to win someone’s heart just for a “laugh.” I give a round of applause to the good gentleman, and kind women who respect and value the word love. So when can you know what on earth the mystery is? The four letter word that has had people puzzled for centuries it remains an unsolved riddle for many.

12) Laughter.  Sometimes a sense of humour is the best type of charm. Those quirky and fun people you meet who dazzle everyone with their wit and charm. If I’m remembered for one thing I hope people say I made them laugh. I once dreamed of been a comedian but performing in front of people is not a strength of mine. I do enjoy it when people make me laugh. You’re doing something right.

13) Forgiveness. Whoever did you wrong, stole your barbie, and called you names or bullied you in school. Whoever hurt you do your best to forgive. It doesn’t mean they need to know or that you need to get in touch. Some people do enjoy upsetting others, and if that’s how they treat people that’s their problem not yours. Let it go and feel at peace.

14) Speak up about causes. Save the animals. Stop the violence. There are plenty of things to fight for in today’s society. Since when did violence and hate become the norm? It’s the few people who speak up that make a difference. Peaceful protests, and positive leaders who inspire those for generations to come.

15) Friends and family. They are always there for you and see you grow, and become who you are today. Encouraging and also many laughs along the way it always a blessing to have supportive friends and family.

16) Never stop learning. Education doesn’t stop once you leave school or stop studying. Going out into the world with new experience is where the learning begins and it never stops. The thirst to know more about life is always there.

17) Have good role models. Looking up to people who are down to earth, and kind can influence a person a lot. They can be inspired by those around them, and influenced in a positive way that makes them strive to achieve great things. I’m inspired by women who continue to fight for their rights for equality and everyday people who try to make a change. We wouldn’t be where we are today without the sacrifice of those people.

18) We are all geniuses. Some of the people considered to be the smartest in the world were ridiculed, and laughed at. It’s the people who think outside of the box that make you really sit up and listen. Everyone is good at something, and has different talents. We all have something to offer.

19) What is an empath. A great quote from Sylvester McNutt says;

My superpower is the ability to feel. I am an empath. I relate to and feel other’s pain, joy, and happiness. It’s a gift and a curse.

Empaths often have great hearts, and people feel comfortable opening up to them. Showing emotion is seen as a sign of strength, and consideration of others. It seems that often these people put others happiness before their own so it is important to take care of yourself as well. If you’re interested to read more about empaths this article by Christel Broederlow is quite interesting. I can relate to some of these things, and I’m sure many others do as well.

20) Enjoy every birthday. As the years go by I still like waking up to balloons. Eating cake, and having a jolly good time whether I’m ten years old or fifty. Yay for Disney movies.

21) Embrace yourself. Imagine if we were all content with how we looked. The scars and the quirky things about ourselves. Would you hide that cute laugh that sounds a bit like a seal when you get excited or would you embrace it? Would you step outside without make up on? The truth is we’ll always feel a bit insecure. Learning to love yourself is like climbing the mountain of self acceptance you will fall a goat may get in your way, and one day you will reach the top. You are you, and I am me. How brilliant is that?

22)  Take a step back and see how far you’ve come. The ups and downs of life have made me hopefully a bit wiser. Knowing right from wrong. Things could have gone different and sometimes things happen that are out of my control. I am always taught a lesson by life whether I like it or not. I have achievements behind me which I am proud of. They’re milestones to look back on to say hey I actually did that! If something embarrassing happens I try to laugh it off. There are fails and triumphs. As a huge Lord of the Rings and Hobbit fan I shall say each day has an unexpected journey around the corner so let’s go on an adventure!

What are you afraid of?

It’s 2am and you’re a mess.

Something is hurting you deep inside if you can’t let go of that glass of wine. You pour yourself another and pretend your scars aren’t a part of who you are. Your smile may glitter the surface but your blood shot eyes tell another story. You wince and wrinkle your nose when you look in the mirror. Every error every glitch you wish you could fix. If only you could see you have a heart of gold and a mind so intricate you could paint a picture with your dreams.

What are you afraid of? Speak to me. Let me in. Let me break down this wall you’ve built around yourself. Maybe I can tell you what is wrong or what is right. Your mind is a powerful fortress. It can and will destroy you if you deem yourself unworthy. If you believe every cruel remark that has come your way. Don’t call yourself these names. You put yourself down and throw yourself in the gutter when you should be rejoicing for all of the things you have conquered, and the things you have yet to do. Cover yourself in glitter and know that you shine brighter than a supernova.

I sit here looking at you and you don’t open your mouth. Your shoulders are hunched and you’re shivering. I can’t solve you. I can’t help you unless you help yourself. I have seen you hurting. I don’t think anyone truly knows self loathing until they have covered their mouth with a shaking hand, their body trembles and nothing comes out. Not a sound. Just tears that resonate deep within the soul. You could be crying for what could have been, or for no reason at all. It is the most haunting experience to feel everything at once. Anxiety, fear, and doubts. Everything is fine until you’re left alone in the dark surrounded by your own thoughts. I am not here to speak of nightmares. I speak of your own mind working against you. It can destroy you more than anything ever could. Maybe it is just a nightmare. You might just wake up. You might stay awake not knowing what reality is and what the truth is. To be trapped in such a prison is a lonely place indeed.

I want to rip through the exterior of small fears to get to the deep meaning. Perhaps you’re afraid of yourself. Utterly terrified. Of what you may or may not become. You aren’t weak. You just lack confidence. You once told me you were insecure, that the insecurities would soon devour you. You blame yourself for every mishap, every failure. You can’t forgive yourself. You cannot walk down the street unless you’re looking at the pavement. Sometimes you’re afraid to even go outside. If you can’t take care of yourself then how can anyone else try to? You push people away to ensure your safety and to know you have two feet firmly on the ground. I cannot fathom a life repeating the same cycle of letting a stranger know your secrets then have them disappear leaving the pages you wrote to them ripped from your core. You sang a song and no one sung back. I guess I don’t want to hear about happiness with another person. I need it for myself and myself only. Are you afraid of been alone? Keep yourself distanced and don’t let anyone touch the tip of your delicate soul. The last few years you’ve relied on the feeling of been wanted. Of knowing someone actually gave a shit. That maybe someone could love such a complex person. People should either come closer or stay away, having them inbetween is exhausting. They all gave up on you and now you’ve given up on yourself. Maybe advice we give to others is advice we wish we had given ourselves in a past life and I’ve learnt, yes I’ve learnt.  If you don’t love yourself you’ll always run around chasing people who don’t love you back. They don’t want to know your middle name or your problems. You’re better than that.

Your sanity is more important than a body filled with empty promises. Is that it, you’re afraid you aren’t normal? If anybody calls you crazy it’s because they know nothing about you and they don’t have the decency or patience to understand. We put labels on ourselves to make sense of it, to cure it, to fix it. Only those close to us know our personal battles. We should not fight it alone. If only there was more compassion in the world. We should bathe in it and lather ourselves with patience and kindness. Give everything you have in life, in friendships, in failure and defeat. Don’t let the past put a shadow over your future. Your downfalls do not define you. They build you up and make you stronger. I know you will do great things. I’m here for you if you need me. We could talk for hours or say nothing at all. Basking in the silence. Solitude is far more comforting than lonliness.

If you breakdown take all the time you need, and when you can’t bear to be around yourself just know I find your company a pleasure.

You’re not nothing.

You’re everything.

It’s 3am and I hope you feel more at peace.

OOML. Out of my league.

Caleb had no idea how he had managed to ask Maria out. It was almost an accident. The mysterious vixen, Maria. She wasn’t the typical ditzy girl who was popular for her perfect sized chest and body. She was everything he wasn’t, smart, sure of herself. She was elegant, from the way she talked, sat, and walked. Confidence. Something which was not present in his own life. She smiled at him and his knee began to shake, he was acting like a restless dog. He had to get away. He grasped on to the opportunity of his bladder summoning him to use the restroom. Caleb looked in the mirror at his plain reflection. He wasn’t seductive, typically handsome, or popular. He was somewhat skinny with a strange sense in fashion. His short curly hair was a mess no matter how many times he got it cut. His pale skin made him look like he bathed in milk each morning. Caleb thought of himself as plain. His sex appeal was like that of a stale cracker, non existent. So what on earth did Maria see in him? 

My made up character Caleb is simply an example of why people have the OOML mantra stuck in their head.

You’re to good for me. You’re out of my league. You’re to beautiful/hot/attractive for me

These lines are said more than Britney Spears says “baby” in her songs. It’s depressing. Fitz and the Tantrums put it into perspective in their funky song;

From time to time I pinch myself
Because I think my girl mistakes me for somebody else
And every time she takes my hand
All the wonders that remain become a simple fact
That you were out of my league 
All the things I believe 
You were just the right kind
Yeah, you were ore than just a dream
You were out of my league
Got my heartbeat racing
If I die don't wake me
'Cause you are more than just a dream

When it comes down to it why do we even say it?  Perhaps a past incident occured, leaving someone with neither a shred of dignity or an ounce of confidence. Is the OOML speech said to reject someone before they reject us? To let them down in a easy way, or because we like someone but are afraid we aren’t good enough for them? Here is the best answer you will read on the matter;

I have heard many clients throughout the years tell me that they can’t date someone that they really like because they are out of their league. I’m here to tell you that does not exist. You attract what you think you are worth.

When you are dating you are seeking people that you can relate to, that you admire, that you trust, that you can work collectively with to reach your common goals. In a sense it should be an extension of what you are and someone who enjoys you for who you are and what you will become. After all, you’re trying to find someone that compliments you and that makes you a better version of yourself.

How can that occur if you’re working from a deficit from the very beginning? You’re already working against yourself because you’re concealing your insecurities. You’re not challenging your insecurities because the person isn’t helping you realize your fully actualized self. “Dating in your league” means it’s someone that you feel won’t challenge some of the pain you’ve experienced. You are hoping that you can avoid experiencing similar pain, but endure different pain. You just found someone that will keep you living at 70%.

The answer to why you will see a couple that you think “how did they get together” and “why can’t I get that”? Self-esteem! One or both of them abandoned the idea that they can’t attract what they really desire. What you desire is what you should pursue. Not the other way around. If you have a list, make sure you figured out what you want vs. what you need. Ask yourself if it’s based on characteristics vs not getting hurt. Sometimes you replace familiar hurt with new hurt.

I reposted this by the wonderful dating blog You’re Just A Dumbass who won an award for the best adult dating blog. Basically it’s perfect and better than anything I could have said. It is true though, I have known people who are in miserable relationships who say they “can’t do better” or there are those who just don’t even try. Many times I have looked at someone and thought PAH they’re to out of my league. Why, because of how they look? I realised how stupid I was being. Because regardless of who it is, a person becomes much more attractive the more you talk to them. Sometimes though, the more we get to know someone who is perfect in our eyes, we wonder what on earth they’re doing with us. In relationships where one person says;

“You’re the pretty one and I’m the ugly one”

It shows how bad their self esteem is. Either way if you are constantly letting go of people you like because you think they can do better or wondering if they’ll leave you for someone else? Well stop. You could go your whole life, missing out on dates, opportunites, meeting wonderful people because the OOML way of thinking was drilled into your mind.

No one will turn around and say I’m to good for you/out of your league. If they do then you know what to do, pretend they’re a human sandwich, throw food at them then wrap the up in glad wrap. Kidding. Walk away, they don’t deserve a goodbye. Sometimes it is simply in your mind. We all feel self concious at times, we find an excuse to not pursue what we want, enough is enough. It is time to think positive and be with people you want to be with instead of feeling sorry for yourself and sticking to people “in your league.”

Who is better than you? A little mantra for you to say out loud, whisper, yell it;

I am amazing, funny, sexy, charming, and I ooze confidence wherever I go. See that guy/girl over there? They may want someone else but I’m what they need.

That’s right. You’re puzzled as to what this person sees in you? Have you ever considered MAYBE this person actually LIKES you and you’re everything they’ve ever dreamed of? You might not tick all of their boxes but you’re close enough, even if you don’t realize it. So stop saying these excuses to let someone down or reject that guy/girl before they reject you.

No more “I’m not good enough for you” Arise the times where we all say….

I’m good enough for you.