Tag Archives: Change

Twenty two

Well I’m now twenty two. There have been plenty of milestones and great memories. A few fashion disasters, and a mullet at some point in my childhood due to an accidental hair cut. Most of all in this post I wanted to share a few things I think are important.

1) Believe in yourself. You have to start by raising, and building yourself up when others don’t believe in you. The people who achieve amazing extraordinary things are the ones who were told they couldn’t do it. Be confident in everything you do. I believe you can fly, and yes you can touch the sky.

2) If you’re having a bad day, remember it will pass. Some days you may feel like there is no point getting out of bed. You feel like you’re not where you want to be in life. You’re happy for others who are doing well but wish you could reach that level. It all takes time and everyone works at their own pace. Don’t sweat too much. Try again tomorrow.

3) Find kindred spirits. We often connect to people at different levels. Finding people who are eager to talk about similar interests, and having intellectual conversations is probably the nicest feeling where you’re both on the same page.

4) Don’t be consumed by technology. There are plenty of people who can’t stay offline. We live in a digital age where people are addicted to technology. We can’t go anywhere without phones or taking a selfie on holiday. Sitting a few inches away from a performer and we still somehow have our phones out.

Some wander the streets and get injured playing games on their phones. Families sit in a living room all on their phone, iPad, or other device. It shows how sucked into technology we are. Bring it back to the old days. Write letters or send a card. Read the                       paper. Could you last without a cellphone in your hand?

5) Mental illness. A person may just be feeling down and we can never know the pain of what someone is going through. It could be anything from a break up. Feeling depressed, anxiety or any form of an inner battle. It doesn’t define them the label is what society has created. They’re afraid and they may not even want to tell anyone about it because of the stigma around mental illness. I know people who are affected in different ways but I will always be a friend if they need to talk. During research for study I found Sir John Kirwan to be a great advocate on the matter as someone who has gone depression himself. He says depression is not a weakness. You can check out more of his talk here. 

6) Don’t think just write. My friend gave me an inspiring book by Steven Pressfield about creativity.

One of the first things Pressfield talks about is resistance. He basically sums up my problem when it comes to writing; procrastination;

“We don’t just put off our lives today, we put them off until our deathbed. Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second we can turn the tables on resistance” – The War of Art; Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles. 

7) A higher power. Some meditate and find peach within. Whereas others still search for that extra thing that seems to be missing from their life. Whether it is faith or religion everyone has a different opinion. People seem to be on the same path of trying to discover the meaning of life. All of the various religions lead to the one conclusion of finding a higher power. Many people feel at ease knowing someone is guiding, and watching over them no matter what. What do you believe in?

8) Share the love. To many people bring each other down because of jealousy or hate. The pressure from the media is always telling us how to act, look, and feel. Share the positive attitude. Women, and men are constantly battling with self destructive thoughts and you might not even know it. The world is a dark place to live in right now. There is a lot of negativity in the news. Martin Luther King Jr and his wise words resonate today more than ever.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

9) Spend time alone. You don’t need to chase after people to prove you’re important. Focus on yourself. Practice what you enjoy to do. When I’m older I will probably want to have told my younger self don’t waste time to just try to put effort into pleasing other people, men, women, friends, relationships. It will be there for you to pursue when the time comes.

10) A balanced mind goes well with a balanced body. If you look after your mind then the results show on the outside. Good food with a few treats. Now it may take me a while to get rid of some dark eye circles due to years of studying, but hey the crinkles and wrinkles show character right? I enjoy a nice face mask at the end of each week from LUSH, and a chance to detox all the stress or jumbled thoughts. A cup tea with a good book is a nice little getaway.

11) Love. The word has been thrown around so much by people who don’t know how to express or show it in actions rather than just words. It can be used against someone, and an excuse for bad behaviour. I don’t think it’s fair to settle for less if someone gives it their all, and in return they get half attempts at romance and no effort. Today’s generation confuses short satisfaction with real relationships the notion has become so twisted that it’s all turned into fun and games. There are shortcuts and cheats to trying to win someone’s heart just for a “laugh.” I give a round of applause to the good gentleman, and kind women who respect and value the word love. So when can you know what on earth the mystery is? The four letter word that has had people puzzled for centuries it remains an unsolved riddle for many.

12) Laughter.  Sometimes a sense of humour is the best type of charm. Those quirky and fun people you meet who dazzle everyone with their wit and charm. If I’m remembered for one thing I hope people say I made them laugh. I once dreamed of been a comedian but performing in front of people is not a strength of mine. I do enjoy it when people make me laugh. You’re doing something right.

13) Forgiveness. Whoever did you wrong, stole your barbie, and called you names or bullied you in school. Whoever hurt you do your best to forgive. It doesn’t mean they need to know or that you need to get in touch. Some people do enjoy upsetting others, and if that’s how they treat people that’s their problem not yours. Let it go and feel at peace.

14) Speak up about causes. Save the animals. Stop the violence. There are plenty of things to fight for in today’s society. Since when did violence and hate become the norm? It’s the few people who speak up that make a difference. Peaceful protests, and positive leaders who inspire those for generations to come.

15) Friends and family. They are always there for you and see you grow, and become who you are today. Encouraging and also many laughs along the way it always a blessing to have supportive friends and family.

16) Never stop learning. Education doesn’t stop once you leave school or stop studying. Going out into the world with new experience is where the learning begins and it never stops. The thirst to know more about life is always there.

17) Have good role models. Looking up to people who are down to earth, and kind can influence a person a lot. They can be inspired by those around them, and influenced in a positive way that makes them strive to achieve great things. I’m inspired by women who continue to fight for their rights for equality and everyday people who try to make a change. We wouldn’t be where we are today without the sacrifice of those people.

18) We are all geniuses. Some of the people considered to be the smartest in the world were ridiculed, and laughed at. It’s the people who think outside of the box that make you really sit up and listen. Everyone is good at something, and has different talents. We all have something to offer.

19) What is an empath. A great quote from Sylvester McNutt says;

My superpower is the ability to feel. I am an empath. I relate to and feel other’s pain, joy, and happiness. It’s a gift and a curse.

Empaths often have great hearts, and people feel comfortable opening up to them. Showing emotion is seen as a sign of strength, and consideration of others. It seems that often these people put others happiness before their own so it is important to take care of yourself as well. If you’re interested to read more about empaths this article by Christel Broederlow is quite interesting. I can relate to some of these things, and I’m sure many others do as well.

20) Enjoy every birthday. As the years go by I still like waking up to balloons. Eating cake, and having a jolly good time whether I’m ten years old or fifty. Yay for Disney movies.

21) Embrace yourself. Imagine if we were all content with how we looked. The scars and the quirky things about ourselves. Would you hide that cute laugh that sounds a bit like a seal when you get excited or would you embrace it? Would you step outside without make up on? The truth is we’ll always feel a bit insecure. Learning to love yourself is like climbing the mountain of self acceptance you will fall a goat may get in your way, and one day you will reach the top. You are you, and I am me. How brilliant is that?

22)  Take a step back and see how far you’ve come. The ups and downs of life have made me hopefully a bit wiser. Knowing right from wrong. Things could have gone different and sometimes things happen that are out of my control. I am always taught a lesson by life whether I like it or not. I have achievements behind me which I am proud of. They’re milestones to look back on to say hey I actually did that! If something embarrassing happens I try to laugh it off. There are fails and triumphs. As a huge Lord of the Rings and Hobbit fan I shall say each day has an unexpected journey around the corner so let’s go on an adventure!

A fresh start

It’s a hot summer day and you buy your favourite flavour of ice cream. It sits proudly on top of it’s cone. You will care for those two delicious scoops. You won’t let any part of it go to waste. Your tongue dances around the sweet chocolate, making patterns as you go. Bam. One wrong move and it’s fallen out of your hands. You don’t know what to do you just sit there as it falls to the ground in slow motion. You can only stare at the ground in shock.

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Well that is kind of how it feels when the most important person to you has just vanished. Poof. You just stand there stunned. You can’t believe what has just happened. They no longer exist in your life and you don’t exist in their life. How do you even process that? You simply refer to eachother as “ex” as if neither of you deserve a name anymore. As if you can’t bare to say their name outloud. The moments you shared and the plans you had for the future are over.

Move on. Sure we can say that outloud and post inspirational quotes online but really many girls will be doing the exact opposite. The sneaky stalk on Facebook. The longing look at the photos and memories you once shared with your significant other. Hoping that they will walk through the door and say “What a fool I have been I want you back!” whilst throwing some roses at you. No. Life is black and white. You break up. That’s it. But wait…

Then it gets even better. Someone who you thought was your soulmate suggests you can be mates. Oh the pain. Now if a person breaks up with you and says this well it’s their way of not feeling guilty because they have offered friendship regardless of whether they dumped you by text or in person. Even though you have seen eachother naked and have shared intimate moments somehow you are meant to go from love to friends. It doesn’t happen straight away. Maybe for some people it can work and I know people stay friends afterwards. Sure if you’re ok with your ex telling you about their hot date last night. No? I didn’t think so. In the end you’re never really friends you’re more like awkward acquaintances. You’ll never really know what’s happening in eachothers lives and why would you want to tell them anyway if you still feel sour about the break up. You can never properly move on and meet new people if you’re hanging on to this idea of “friendship” when really you’re just hoping for a reunion. One wants to be friends, one wants more. It’s like been in the friendzone forever.

So if you don’t want to be friends with them but you simply can’t stay away there’s no harm in going back to them once in a while right? It’s comfortable and it’s why so many people go back to their exes because it’s familiar. You know eachothers bodies, smells, likes and dislikes. Just one more night and then you tell yourself you will be ok. They said they still love you so that makes it fine. Well if they truly loved you they would never have let you do darling.

Now of course where would we be without our friends. They listen to us complain about been a relationship, and then we complain when we aren’t in one. We tip toe around the subject and think of ways to solve the problem when really we know the only logical explanation is to BREAK UP with them. Our friends nod their heads and say things will be ok and that we deserve better. We sulk because we don’t want better we want back what is rightfully ours. Which is why the very last few weeks of a relationship is when determination turns into desperation. You feel like you should read poetry outside your partners window at 2am to win them back. You bombard them with texts when they ignore you because yes some women feel no shame in doing that. You stare at your phone hoping it will ring then the anger kicks in because you just rung them when you know you shouldn’t have. You become paranoid that there is someone else because why else would this person be behaving this way? You drive yourself mad. You’re literally begging for attention from someone who should be adoring you not ignoring you. Then you finally understand that all the excuses and the empty promises lead to one conclusion..

People change. Feelings change. It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true or real. It simply means that sometimes when people grow, they sometimes grow apart. – 500 Days of Summer.

When it’s all over we demand closure. We need to know what went wrong, we must get this answer in person. We wonder if they miss us, if they think about us. The obsessive thinking and replaying of what went wrong or could have gone right will drive you bonkers. Seriously just write it down or something.They’re a robot! A heartless tin robot. Busy is another word for asshole. Or just not interested. Am I that stupid? I deserved a phone call. He has a stupid haircut now anyway. At least I never gave up hope. There doesn’t that feel better?

Now it’s time for a spring clean and a chance to break old habits. Showing up at their workplaces whilst dating is cute but after you break up it’s just considered creepy. Avoid them. Send all your cute selfies to the rubbish bin on your phone or laptop. Delete that number so that you can save yourself from embrassing drunk texts. Yes throw out that jersey of theirs I don’t care how nice it smells. You are freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Do what you need to do to get over it. Do things that make you happy. Stay single until you’re thirty and focus on your career because by golly you’re going to achieve wonderful things. Or eat until you can’t move because food is the healer of all things, heck go kiss some random lovely person in town (if you’re into that) because you are hot and now single.

Don't give up hope
Don’t give up hope

When you finally take the love goggles off you realize you were just trying to hold on to the good memories. You can slowly see after all the tears and the tissues covered in boogers that you have wasted SO much of your time thinking about this person who is getting on with their life. You have thought so much that you realize things weren’t perfect, there were things that bothered you. Maybe your ex had a gross habit or there were just a few signs you missed. Yes there were great times and memories made but all you can do is just accept the situation. Say it out loud. We are over. We. Are. Over. They’ve let you go so it’s time to do the same. They had one shot with you and they blew it. Maybe you both did. It doesn’t matter now. Just learn from this. Evaulate your behaviour because maybe you did lose yourself somewhere along the way trying to hold onto this person, and choose wisely next time. The heart can love again and come back ten times stronger. Sure the next few weeks or months there will be lonely nights where you miss having someone to cuddle, to talk to and just be with. There will also be awesome nights, and amazing days with friends. There will be new memories, new people, and new ice creams. All you can do is walk away from the old ice cream and let it melt. There is no saving it. As much as it hurts and as much as you want that darn ice cream you can’t pick it up and try to fix it. You just have to let it melt and walk away.

There. You are free to focus on yourself and your own happiness. Well, that’s my plan anyway. The hilarious and down to earth author of He’s Just Not That Into You sums it up nicely. Read it, and believe it. May your future serve you well;

“Hey, hot stuff, can’t wait till you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it’s soon. You’re way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I’m out here waiting. Your future.”
Greg Behrendt

Anti-Social Network

No longer can people enjoy a day without technology in their hand or on their lap. No longer can people go to a concert and enjoy it without taking photos at the show. No longer can we enjoy a special moment without ruining it with a camera. No longer are we as intimate as we once were.

Social Media

Social media has pushed traditional ways of communicating out the window, no more letters or phone calls. Nowadays NZ media statistics shows that;

• 96% of NZ internet users are active on social media
• 27% of NZ social media users access through smartphones
• 79% of New Zealanders like Facebook, 16% for LinkedIn, 9% for Twitter
• 2,102,080 New Zealanders are on Facebook (44% males VS. 56% females).
• More than 199,800 Twitter accounts in NZ

Technology in general has slowly taken control of us. Phones. Laptops. Facebook. Instagram. Snapchat. Twitter. Businesses now promote themselves online. YouTube has made normal teenagers boost to stardom. People can sell clothes via Facebook, and find accomodation. So there are positives to social media right? Facebook reunites us with friends and family who live in different continents. But perhaps there is more to it than logging on to check your status or the dreary gossip and pointless chatter on the homepage. Could it be an addiction? A way to shy away from reality?

Facebook

I saw a video on Facebook that inspired me to write this, ironically enough, about Facebook not been a social network, but an anti-social network. The video is by Prince Ea, an artist and rapper who captures anyones attention with his voice and words. Yes he did have to promote this video via social media, but he raises an important point. He tells the audience that instead of friendships and real life interactions with loved ones, self-worth has become measured by the number of online likes and followers one can attain;

“So many ‘I’s, so many ‘selfies,’ not enough ‘U’s and ‘We’s”

Selfies, selfies, selfies. Girls especially get all worked up if they see a photo posted of them that they don’t like. They prefer the perfect pose, the edit, their own upload of a selfie. To show they’ve achieved something, or because they’re yearning for some attention and love. They want their cyber world to tell them they look nice today, that their lipstick is right on point. I am guilty of having posted more than enough selfies in the past. I realized I needed to stop and do better things with my time, and that I didn’t need to update my status 24/7 like I did back in 2010. Oh dear. That’s how it goes doesn’t it. Facebook asks you, what is on your mind, how do you feel. We’re so used to using emoticons to describe how we feel that we’ve forgotten what it feels like to cry, to hurt, without posting about it. Chats have been reduced to Snapchats. Personal problems are framed on Instagram. Some things should be kept private, yet we live in a world where nothing is private anymore. Declarations of love don’t need to be splattered all over the homepage, keep it between you and your partner, or save it for the bedroom.

Moving on from selfies, and FDA (Facebook Displays of Affection) I shall now bring up the subject of friends on Facebook. In the past when I had 1000 friends on Facebook I felt like I had achieved something, yet I knew hardly any of these people. I have deleted almost 500 of those people since then. Because if you aren’t friends in real life, what is the point of been friends online? Wishing someone a happy birthday online has turned into a chore, instead of a suprise. Stalking people online instead of interacting with them has become a common trend. Whatever happened to courage and saying hello in person? Plus the amount of fights that happen on Facebook have caused many people to leave the page. Relationship drama should be sorted out in person. Please. 

I remember when I was younger I would sit on the computer for hours, and would have a tantrum or something if my sister said it was her turn on the computer. How sad. Today I’m on Facebook less and less, because it’s just so boring. When I am online, I wonder how looking at these screens affects us as individuals. Prince Ea says in his video that the present-day average adult currently has an attention span one second less than that of a goldfish.

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No wonder no one can pay attention in class, or stay focused on one thing. I see students in class all the time on their laptops “taking notes” in other words they’re on Facebook. Plus I have the worst attention span, maybe I should swim away from technology for awhile. It is easier said than done. Darn you social media.

Social media is said to build a community of networks,  encouraging participation and engagement. However, humans as usual have abused the system. We don’t know when to stop, to have a break and a Kit Kat. I love the line in the video where Prince Ea hopes that one day we’ll smile when we see that we have low batteries. Because it will bring us one bar closer to humanity. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been pretty persuaded to change my ways. I suppose it is a bit hypocritcal to say this, because I’m always on my laptop. Writing on my blog, doing Uni work. And I’m currently addicted to browsing for clothes online.

Texting

My phone is my alarm, clock, calendar, it has my memo’s for the day. It has all my important contacts. So it’s hard not to have it glued to my hand all the time. I guess it is true that these touch screens often make us lose touch, and that even when we’re in the same room as someone, our phones are the centre of our attention. So maybe it’s a good thing that my phone keeps turning off by itself. After all we spend four years looking down at our phones. Probably a few more years are spent on Facebook all together. Kind of scary.

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I can’t remember what it was like when I didn’t have a cellphone. I can’t remember the last time I went more than a day without checking Facebook. Funny how we blame Facebook, or whatever website for failed grades and distractions. Or for the TV shows for keeping us up late. It’s my choice if I want to watch Friends at 1am. So the only person to blame is me. No wonder I can’t sleep, all these screens crowding up my vision, disracting my sleep pattern. Hopefully I will have the power to say no. Nanna naps are a great way to fix a headache from looking at to many screens. Or making a snack, yummy.

I know that social media helps people boost their fashion line, their tattoos, their writing, and get things done easily and fast. It helps people stay in touch with one another. I guess I just want to see what life would be like if it wasn’t so dominant in my life. So now I will try to limit myself and put the phone or laptop down. Now I will enjoy a show and be there in the moment. Now I want to actually enjoy life instead of feeling the need to post about it. I want to capture smiles in person rather than in a photo. I want to not let technology control me. I won’t be smashing my phone into pieces or getting rid of my accounts. I just want to step back for a moment and get back in touch with people. Cyber world can come second, the real world can come first. Its your choice what you do. Just remember life happens outside, where the birds sing and the sun shines, not on a computer.

Friends, Food, Future

There is a time in a persons life when they must let go of the Peter Pan dream and grow up. I have never quite grasped the concept of this. As I packed my bags for the big adventure awaiting me, reality hit me. I felt as if I was stomping on Lego that had been left on the ground, scattered in a distorted pattern, pain seeping through me with every step. How could all of my life belongings fit in a few mere boxes and suitcases? Each item of clothing and furniture I sold had a small memory on it etched into the fine lines of fabric. A small secret that would stay with it yet to be discovered. As I tore photos down from the wall I realized how much I was leaving behind. I did not want to utter the words goodbye.

Since moving to Wellington for University I have narrowed down the things I miss:

New Plymouth  – Where the mountain looks as if it has been dipped in a box of luxurious french vanilla ice cream with chocolate delicately sprinkled on top. Where sand on the beach is black turning into a furnace in the summer. A dance is done like somewhat tribal warriors to race to the water before ones feet become burnt from the malicious grains of hot sand. Having a mountain, and the sea in ones peripheral vision is like a double rainbow. Two seasons of difference in one. Winter and summer. No words can fully capture it. A photo would if I could be bothered to buy a camera.

Friends – Moving away has made me realize who genuinely wants to stay in touch. IF they don’t bother then that says it all really. We all have to meet halfway when it comes to communicating. There is technology, letters, owls to send letters or pigeons. Yet nothing quite compares to a good ol’ jolly catch up in person with people I spent years with.

Perfecto.

Food – It is 90 per cent the reason I look forward to going home. Mommas cooking. I can’t remember the last time I had one of her dashing roast Sunday meals.  I have consumed so much junk food since moving here, Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, and Asian food have morphed into my best friends. When it comes to flat grocery shopping each week I have a party each time. Grabbing tins of tuna like there’s no tomorrow, and peanuts covered in chocolate. Addictive little things. Can’t beat them Pak N Save sales.

“food is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it”

I say this to people who tell me they are on diets where they can only eat in between certain times, and certain foods. Any food can be bad for you if you eat to much of it. Go buy that pizza and STOP feeling guilty, shove your whole face in it to remind yourself what you’ve been missing out on whilst you were eating those lettuce leaves.

Money –  Have you ever had a certain goal to save but have failed miserably? Welcome to my world, the best of both worlds. Where you are poor in each one. Some teenagers these days are handed money to them from their parents on a golden platter, soz-agues about it.  There is nothing wrong with it, but I am glad I was brought up in a way where me, myself and I earn the money which I continue to waste.

Life is a never ending cycle of earning money and spending it. I have earned so much in my lifetime so where on earth does it all go? RENT, food and rent, tattoos. The only time I seem to have saved a good amount was for my tattoo. Perhaps I should try and pretend I’m about to get a huge tattoo, to inspire me to save for new years. I shall be losing my Rhythm and Vines virginity because I am going for the first time this year hence why I am attempting to save $1000 or more. Why not try and set yourself a challenge to? You may be surprised with how you go. One, two, three, leggo

Must. Stop. Sleeping. In.
I must not sleep in. I must not sleep in. I must not sleep in.

Things I treasure

Nanna naps – Don’t get offended if I don’t reply to you on Facebook, text, viber, snapchat, or on the next version of iPhone3604894, I’m most likely at work, doing study, or sleeping. That is all. I sleep in far to much, my loud alarm clock that sounds like a fire truck clearly isn’t doing me any favours. Purely because my lovely flatmate came into my room the other day, pulled the covers off my bed and yelled that he would be waking me up if I missed my screeching  alarm again. He then proceeded to drag me out of my warm bed despite my weak protests. Fabulous.

Beanies – My hair saviour. These glorious things are the perfect invention. With the wind here in Wellington there really is no point in doing my hair. I think beanies are stuck to my head. I wear it almost everyday. It has double benefits. Hides a bad hair day, and keeps my head warm. Win win.

Exercise – I used to go to the gym almost everyday back home, then I moved here and turned into a potato. Mashed potato, roast potato. Potato. I am terrible at this, my balance of time is not so marvelous. By the time I have finished work or a day of University I can hardly be bothered shedding off my day clothes, and slithering into bed. I have a new found passion for Pilates though. That is when I can muster the energy to do them. No pain no gain right?

Good beats – Everyone needs some of these to get them through the day. I always pop on some Beyonce in the morning to get me inspired to have a productive day. All the single ladies all the single ladies. Dancing around the room whilst getting ready is much more amusing than without music. Shimmy to the cupboard, shimmy while you do your hair, and flip your hair dramatically after a shower. Who needs a hairdryer anyway.

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Baking – Sometimes I go on a baking rampage, making muffins, flapjacks, apple crumble. Delicious and nutritious. Saves money and also equals a bit of creative time, throwing flour into the bowl leads to myself being covered in flour. I feel like Jamie Oliver, minus the olives. He is a master of a chef, a genius. I for one simply Google recipes when I get stuck in a pickle. I made a fabulous lasagna with my flatmate the other week, a very proud moment. There should be a worldwide lasagna day, I am sure Garfield would be proud.

Future

Most of my nights are now spent at Massey library until about 10 or 11pm doing study.  I love writing and wouldn’t have it any other way. I have good food, friends here and back home, and a future ahead of me. As long as I don’t overthink as much as I blink. I am excited for what is to come. Although it is costing a fortune, I have a few good ten million years, or a tad less, to pay of my student loan. So on with the adventure Peter Pan!