A fresh start

It’s a hot summer day and you buy your favourite flavour of ice cream. It sits proudly on top of it’s cone. You will care for those two delicious scoops. You won’t let any part of it go to waste. Your tongue dances around the sweet chocolate, making patterns as you go. Bam. One wrong move and it’s fallen out of your hands. You don’t know what to do you just sit there as it falls to the ground in slow motion. You can only stare at the ground in shock.

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Well that is kind of how it feels when the most important person to you has just vanished. Poof. You just stand there stunned. You can’t believe what has just happened. They no longer exist in your life and you don’t exist in their life. How do you even process that? You simply refer to eachother as “ex” as if neither of you deserve a name anymore. As if you can’t bare to say their name outloud. The moments you shared and the plans you had for the future are over.

Move on. Sure we can say that outloud and post inspirational quotes online but really many girls will be doing the exact opposite. The sneaky stalk on Facebook. The longing look at the photos and memories you once shared with your significant other. Hoping that they will walk through the door and say “What a fool I have been I want you back!” whilst throwing some roses at you. No. Life is black and white. You break up. That’s it. But wait…

Then it gets even better. Someone who you thought was your soulmate suggests you can be mates. Oh the pain. Now if a person breaks up with you and says this well it’s their way of not feeling guilty because they have offered friendship regardless of whether they dumped you by text or in person. Even though you have seen eachother naked and have shared intimate moments somehow you are meant to go from love to friends. It doesn’t happen straight away. Maybe for some people it can work and I know people stay friends afterwards. Sure if you’re ok with your ex telling you about their hot date last night. No? I didn’t think so. In the end you’re never really friends you’re more like awkward acquaintances. You’ll never really know what’s happening in eachothers lives and why would you want to tell them anyway if you still feel sour about the break up. You can never properly move on and meet new people if you’re hanging on to this idea of “friendship” when really you’re just hoping for a reunion. One wants to be friends, one wants more. It’s like been in the friendzone forever.

So if you don’t want to be friends with them but you simply can’t stay away there’s no harm in going back to them once in a while right? It’s comfortable and it’s why so many people go back to their exes because it’s familiar. You know eachothers bodies, smells, likes and dislikes. Just one more night and then you tell yourself you will be ok. They said they still love you so that makes it fine. Well if they truly loved you they would never have let you do darling.

Now of course where would we be without our friends. They listen to us complain about been a relationship, and then we complain when we aren’t in one. We tip toe around the subject and think of ways to solve the problem when really we know the only logical explanation is to BREAK UP with them. Our friends nod their heads and say things will be ok and that we deserve better. We sulk because we don’t want better we want back what is rightfully ours. Which is why the very last few weeks of a relationship is when determination turns into desperation. You feel like you should read poetry outside your partners window at 2am to win them back. You bombard them with texts when they ignore you because yes some women feel no shame in doing that. You stare at your phone hoping it will ring then the anger kicks in because you just rung them when you know you shouldn’t have. You become paranoid that there is someone else because why else would this person be behaving this way? You drive yourself mad. You’re literally begging for attention from someone who should be adoring you not ignoring you. Then you finally understand that all the excuses and the empty promises lead to one conclusion..

People change. Feelings change. It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true or real. It simply means that sometimes when people grow, they sometimes grow apart. – 500 Days of Summer.

When it’s all over we demand closure. We need to know what went wrong, we must get this answer in person. We wonder if they miss us, if they think about us. The obsessive thinking and replaying of what went wrong or could have gone right will drive you bonkers. Seriously just write it down or something.They’re a robot! A heartless tin robot. Busy is another word for asshole. Or just not interested. Am I that stupid? I deserved a phone call. He has a stupid haircut now anyway. At least I never gave up hope. There doesn’t that feel better?

Now it’s time for a spring clean and a chance to break old habits. Showing up at their workplaces whilst dating is cute but after you break up it’s just considered creepy. Avoid them. Send all your cute selfies to the rubbish bin on your phone or laptop. Delete that number so that you can save yourself from embrassing drunk texts. Yes throw out that jersey of theirs I don’t care how nice it smells. You are freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Do what you need to do to get over it. Do things that make you happy. Stay single until you’re thirty and focus on your career because by golly you’re going to achieve wonderful things. Or eat until you can’t move because food is the healer of all things, heck go kiss some random lovely person in town (if you’re into that) because you are hot and now single.

Don't give up hope
Don’t give up hope

When you finally take the love goggles off you realize you were just trying to hold on to the good memories. You can slowly see after all the tears and the tissues covered in boogers that you have wasted SO much of your time thinking about this person who is getting on with their life. You have thought so much that you realize things weren’t perfect, there were things that bothered you. Maybe your ex had a gross habit or there were just a few signs you missed. Yes there were great times and memories made but all you can do is just accept the situation. Say it out loud. We are over. We. Are. Over. They’ve let you go so it’s time to do the same. They had one shot with you and they blew it. Maybe you both did. It doesn’t matter now. Just learn from this. Evaulate your behaviour because maybe you did lose yourself somewhere along the way trying to hold onto this person, and choose wisely next time. The heart can love again and come back ten times stronger. Sure the next few weeks or months there will be lonely nights where you miss having someone to cuddle, to talk to and just be with. There will also be awesome nights, and amazing days with friends. There will be new memories, new people, and new ice creams. All you can do is walk away from the old ice cream and let it melt. There is no saving it. As much as it hurts and as much as you want that darn ice cream you can’t pick it up and try to fix it. You just have to let it melt and walk away.

There. You are free to focus on yourself and your own happiness. Well, that’s my plan anyway. The hilarious and down to earth author of He’s Just Not That Into You sums it up nicely. Read it, and believe it. May your future serve you well;

“Hey, hot stuff, can’t wait till you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it’s soon. You’re way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I’m out here waiting. Your future.”
Greg Behrendt

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