Caleb had no idea how he had managed to ask Maria out. It was almost an accident. The mysterious vixen, Maria. She wasn’t the typical ditzy girl who was popular for her perfect sized chest and body. She was everything he wasn’t, smart, sure of herself. She was elegant, from the way she talked, sat, and walked. Confidence. Something which was not present in his own life. She smiled at him and his knee began to shake, he was acting like a restless dog. He had to get away. He grasped on to the opportunity of his bladder summoning him to use the restroom. Caleb looked in the mirror at his plain reflection. He wasn’t seductive, typically handsome, or popular. He was somewhat skinny with a strange sense in fashion. His short curly hair was a mess no matter how many times he got it cut. His pale skin made him look like he bathed in milk each morning. Caleb thought of himself as plain. His sex appeal was like that of a stale cracker, non existent. So what on earth did Maria see in him?
My made up character Caleb is simply an example of why people have the OOML mantra stuck in their head.
You’re to good for me. You’re out of my league. You’re to beautiful/hot/attractive for me
These lines are said more than Britney Spears says “baby” in her songs. It’s depressing. Fitz and the Tantrums put it into perspective in their funky song;
From time to time I pinch myself Because I think my girl mistakes me for somebody else And every time she takes my hand All the wonders that remain become a simple fact That you were out of my league All the things I believe You were just the right kind Yeah, you were ore than just a dream You were out of my league Got my heartbeat racing If I die don't wake me 'Cause you are more than just a dream
When it comes down to it why do we even say it? Perhaps a past incident occured, leaving someone with neither a shred of dignity or an ounce of confidence. Is the OOML speech said to reject someone before they reject us? To let them down in a easy way, or because we like someone but are afraid we aren’t good enough for them? Here is the best answer you will read on the matter;
I have heard many clients throughout the years tell me that they can’t date someone that they really like because they are out of their league. I’m here to tell you that does not exist. You attract what you think you are worth.
When you are dating you are seeking people that you can relate to, that you admire, that you trust, that you can work collectively with to reach your common goals. In a sense it should be an extension of what you are and someone who enjoys you for who you are and what you will become. After all, you’re trying to find someone that compliments you and that makes you a better version of yourself.
How can that occur if you’re working from a deficit from the very beginning? You’re already working against yourself because you’re concealing your insecurities. You’re not challenging your insecurities because the person isn’t helping you realize your fully actualized self. “Dating in your league” means it’s someone that you feel won’t challenge some of the pain you’ve experienced. You are hoping that you can avoid experiencing similar pain, but endure different pain. You just found someone that will keep you living at 70%.
The answer to why you will see a couple that you think “how did they get together” and “why can’t I get that”? Self-esteem! One or both of them abandoned the idea that they can’t attract what they really desire. What you desire is what you should pursue. Not the other way around. If you have a list, make sure you figured out what you want vs. what you need. Ask yourself if it’s based on characteristics vs not getting hurt. Sometimes you replace familiar hurt with new hurt.
I reposted this by the wonderful dating blog You’re Just A Dumbass who won an award for the best adult dating blog. Basically it’s perfect and better than anything I could have said. It is true though, I have known people who are in miserable relationships who say they “can’t do better” or there are those who just don’t even try. Many times I have looked at someone and thought PAH they’re to out of my league. Why, because of how they look? I realised how stupid I was being. Because regardless of who it is, a person becomes much more attractive the more you talk to them. Sometimes though, the more we get to know someone who is perfect in our eyes, we wonder what on earth they’re doing with us. In relationships where one person says;
“You’re the pretty one and I’m the ugly one”
It shows how bad their self esteem is. Either way if you are constantly letting go of people you like because you think they can do better or wondering if they’ll leave you for someone else? Well stop. You could go your whole life, missing out on dates, opportunites, meeting wonderful people because the OOML way of thinking was drilled into your mind.
No one will turn around and say I’m to good for you/out of your league. If they do then you know what to do, pretend they’re a human sandwich, throw food at them then wrap the up in glad wrap. Kidding. Walk away, they don’t deserve a goodbye. Sometimes it is simply in your mind. We all feel self concious at times, we find an excuse to not pursue what we want, enough is enough. It is time to think positive and be with people you want to be with instead of feeling sorry for yourself and sticking to people “in your league.”
Who is better than you? A little mantra for you to say out loud, whisper, yell it;
I am amazing, funny, sexy, charming, and I ooze confidence wherever I go. See that guy/girl over there? They may want someone else but I’m what they need.
That’s right. You’re puzzled as to what this person sees in you? Have you ever considered MAYBE this person actually LIKES you and you’re everything they’ve ever dreamed of? You might not tick all of their boxes but you’re close enough, even if you don’t realize it. So stop saying these excuses to let someone down or reject that guy/girl before they reject you.
No more “I’m not good enough for you” Arise the times where we all say….
I’m good enough for you.